I would give anything not to have to go back to school.
Mrs. Broderick posted our Study Guide for the mid-term.
It brought me back to reality.
And it sucks.
I want to go to bed at 4 and sleep until 1 everyday.

I can't fucking wait for summertime.

So these two guys, Sean & Cory are ridiculously good looking.
And they're in a band called Made Your Day. (their myspace)
There's nothing up there now, cause they're re-recording all their stuff.
I watch them record a lot.
"Butterflies" & "Moving Along" are my favorite. (: <3

I talk to these boys every night until about this hour (2:30/3)
& they make me so insanely happy.

When they do Death Cab & NeverShoutNever covers for me, it just, no pun intended, makes my night.
They said if I ever got down to SC, we'd totally chill, and I think that'd be amazing.
I even talk with Cory's mom sometimes!
She's such a sweetheart.

Blahblahblahblah. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.
IDK why I posted this. 
I'm just OOZING with love for these kids.

Significant Prezzies:

1. Leopard for my Mac. (it's a beaut)
2. Glamour Kills shirt [finally.]
3. Pink sweatshirts (they always fit me swimmingly) & a zebra-print Hurley hoodie
4. Guitar Hero 3. She meant to buy 4, but failed. She also bought the Rockband game & drum set. She thought I could use my GH guitars with it. She was mistaken. We've got some returning to do. : /
5. New Vans (thank god.)
6. Vans belt
7. High Top white doodled converse
8. high top layered neon converse
9. Starbucks up the wazzoo
10. iTunes cash
11. Underwear. Yes, my mother went there.
12. 3 Phone cases (Each parents bought one, then my dad forgot he bought one. Go figure)
13. Many a jewelry (but my necklace & bracelet from Brian are by far my favorite. <3)
14. Then of course theres the stuff from Grandpa, which i picked out. and had to open for show. A tiny black dress, a sweater, turquoise jeans & socks. All previously picked out.
15. A Hippopotamus. 
16. GHETTO ASS ELMO HAT (thank you kimberly!)

Fun fun fun.
I was certainly not as Christmas-Spirited this year.
Especially without anyone within 40 years of my age around ):

Happy Christmas Everyone!!

To celebrate, I've uploaded some of my most favorite songs for you all.

They are all in this folder. (:

Here's the list:

1. All I Want For Christmas Is Us - Jason Mraz & Tristan Prettyman
2. Don't Shoot Me Santa - The Killers
3. Christmas Wrapping - The Spice Girls (my favorite from the kiddy days)
4. 12 Days Of Christmas - Relient K
5. Last Christmas - Hawk Nelson
6. All I Want For Christmas Is You - My Chemical Romance
7. 30 Days - NeverShoutNever! [currently my most favorite band]
8. I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas - Shirley Temple
9. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays - N*SYNC
10. Santa Baby - Britney Spears

please let me know what you take!
love you guys! (: <3

 So I've known Greg & Steph have been planning something big for me for Christmas.
They've called my mother numerous times, and have discussed "Plan: Jesus Holding A Lamb" in front of me.
I never knew exactly what it was all about, just that I had to come straight home from school today.

I walked into the house, and Greg & Steph are there, dancing.
Steph, of course, in a Santa suit.
My first reaction?

"What're you WEARING?"

Then Steph drags me upstairs, to show me my room, COVERED in Christmas lights.
Bed? Covered.
Dresser? Covered.
Desk? Covered.
Curtains? Covered.
It was like being with stars. Really, really amazing.

Then, I start listening to this CD Steph made me which was funny & amazing.
THEN, Mr. Calabrese comes to drop off a DVD.
They made me a  video, first of them dancing, then just reminiscing on the past few years of being really close friends, it was really good.
( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLxjZDHQJfM )

Then we just drank hot cocoa and watched Ellen.
It was by far one of the best days I've had in a long time.
Any suspicions I had about us growing apart completely faded today.
They're my best friends. And always will be.
Despite time & distance.
<3

I saw Spring Awakening again on Saturday.
No, it wasn't as amazing as the original cast, but it was still amazing.

My obsession with this play is beyond insane.
I know every single thing about it.
I bought a $44 book on it, complete with script and complete history of the show.
I'm getting the original book "Spring Awakening" written in the 19th century for Christmas.
I know every line in the show, and of course, every lyric in the songs.
The entire CD is in my top played.
50+ times for each song.
I follow the career of each individual person from the original cast.
(Hamlet 2, with Skylar Astin (<33333333333) and Pheobe Strole coming out soon. who will deal with my squeals with me (: ?)
I know their birthdays and hometowns.
I've got 100+ Spring Awakening icons saved to my computer.

This play consumes my soul.
I love it more than life. 

Whether or not you liked Twilight (the movie) you'll find this funny:

http://www.cracked.com/article_16878_if-twilight-was-10-times-shorter-100-times-more-honest.html

I lol'd several times. (:

I think by saying this I'm proving what I'm sure most of you already think of me, but I don't care.

I am completely, endlessly, 110%, head over heels, infinitely in love with Brian Hughes. (:

When Brian & I hung out on Saturday, there was this sexual tension the entire time.
We held hands at the show, but when we got back to his place, we were in his room, sitting close, just talking.
But then I left.
With nothing more than hand holding.
Unsatisfied.
I wanted to so, SO bad.
But it's a veryyyy rare occasion that I make the first move. 
But this wanting was so strong I had to try again.
Maybe be more seductive instead of adorable.
So I invited him over again. (:

Brian came over yesterday after school, and after just hanging around in my basement for a bit, we got yelled at to do homework.
So we did, like good students.

Then we were just wandering around, and i sat on the ping pong table while he was talking.
He came and sat next to me. Close.
Then we turned to face each other indian style, and I just mirrored him, because I'm silly and immature like that.
And we just sat.
Forehead to forehead, nose to nose.
Staring at each other.
Talking occasionally, but not really.
Lips inches away, but never touching.
Both wanting it, neither brave enough to make the first move.

We did that for an hour.
Not like we noticed the time, my mom just came down to ask to help bring the ornaments down from the attic.
I sighed and took his hand to show him where to go.
I was mad my mother had interrupted me when I was lost Brian world.

When we finished, we went back downstairs, and proceeded in getting lost in each other's eyes again.
I'm so fascinated by him, I could really just look at him for, well, ever.
Finally, getting more tempted than ever, I whispered
"What're you thinking about?"
"... What're you thinking about?"
I giggled, and we had an "I asked you first!" arguement until we gave up and went back to staring.

 

Sometime later he asked again, "What're you thinking about?"
"you. ... and a song from the little mermaid"

YES I KNOW IT'S LAME. I DON'T CARE. I DIDN'T KNOW HOW ELSE TO GET MY POINT ACROSS.
(well, i did. but i was too chicken, as always)

He did his exhale laugh. "I think I know which one you're talking about."
"if only we had a tiny singing crab.."
He laughed.
His breathing was crazy and irregular, and his hands were shaking. 
Nervous, it was obvious.

I whispered "Want to feel something crazy?"
He nodded.
I took his hand and put it over my heart, which was beating abnormally fast, as it normally does when he's around.
He smiled.
And leaned in. And kissed me. Finally. FINALLY.

I was waiting for that for so long. I was so happy. elated. bewildered.

I haven't felt that way in SUCH a long time.

I never wanted to stop. Neither did he.
Seemed so infinite. I wished it was.

hooray first kisses.
and second kisses.
and third kisses.
etc. :)
 

Food for thought:

1. It would take 22.4 days to listen to all my music on iTunes (not including videos and such)
2. Every night, while Brian & I are saying goodnight, he says "kiss!" or " :* " when we've never kissed. Except that one time. And I'm refusing to let that count for anything.
3. The fact that Brian's best friend(s) is/are (a) girl(s), and I'm perfectly aware that I'm hypocritical for letting that bother me.
4. My biggest adrenaline rushes come when I'm listening to Spring Awakening, or watching Jackson Rathbone & R. Pattinson.
5. School work means absolutely nothing to me. It has zero importance in my life.
6. I open all my wrapped Christmas presents, and re-wrap them, so I can hint at my parents what to return. (i.e. Opened an iPhone case with stars that was kindof ugly. Told my dad how scratched my phone was, and how I need a solid colored neon one.)
7. I will be more depressed over the death of my dog than any of my family members.
8. I'm only living for the weekends.

I need your help.
What reminds you of me?

So Brian & I became official at 11:33 on November 28th.
(I'm actually torn as to whether or not to count it as the 29th, lol <3)

I'm happy about it.
He makes me really happy.
And he's really sweet.
I'm going to see him today, we're going to see Mo's show
(Mo as in Maureen Hamill, our director from camp that we've both gone to for 8+ years, yet never gone to the same session that we can remember)
I get to see all of my other favorite kiddies from FTC too, so it'll be a good day (:

ALSO?
SNOW!
❄❅❆

YAY!

 I saw Twilight twice yesterday: once with my mom right after school, and later that night with Carolyn (Clyons) & her friend.
I was so thrilled.

Things I disliked:

1. The hospital scene was always one of my favorites, however it was cut, and too much of it was taken up by her mother.
2. Edward seemed like so much more of a dork in the movie! Damn it!
3. I thought Jasper was a bit more adorable than Edward..

I still loved it though. <3

Off to Grandma's in a little.

Happy thanksgiving!

Last night was a shitload of fun.
Dancing without a care in the world, with the people I love most in this world.

When Mrs. Lessard was talking, and we were just standing behind her on stage, I just held Brian's hand tight, and buried my head is his shoulder when I thought I might start crying. But I wouldn't let myself ruin this last hurrah.

I decided that I was in lust with Brian.
I had an itch only he could scratch, or something that sounds less weird.

Brian grabbed me just as we were leaving to go write on the wall.
So we did.
"*whisper whisper* <3 erin + brian"
I hugged him so tight and I swear to god an unspoken strong wave of emotion passed through us.
I was completely overcome by it.

I slept over Carolyn Clyon's house, and it was fun, I suppose. Margo is a pain in the ass though.
Today was strike, and it was pointless.
Me and Brian just wandered doing nothing, playing with duct tape.

Still no tears, just happiness.

I hadn't had a chance to go on facebook, until about an hour ago.

Brian's post killed me. I just died inside. Then before I had a chance to IM him, to yell at him for making me cry, he IMs me and just says "I love you kid."

Cried until my heart exploded. Tears of hapiness that this all happened, and that maybe I really was starting to get over Kevin. Tears of sadness because it all has to end, and my Brian escape has to go away for a while.

I don't know what is going on with me right now.

I think I did, in fact, fall a little bit in love with him over these past 6 weeks or so.
I think he always knows what to say to confirm my feelings.
I think I partially belong to him.
I think I'm over-emotional.

I'm not ready to go back to reality yet.


Edit.
I think what Kim said was right.
There truly isn't much of a difference between a relationship and what we've got now.

I mean, we constantly tell each how cute the other is, and how we were lost before we met each other, all sappy bf/gf or stuff. The fun stuff without a total commitment. Not like I've got my eye on anyone else, but still. I'm hanging out with Kevin on Wednesday and if anything happens, I won't feel nearly as bad if we were a legit couple.

I'm usually not a fan if gray areas, but why define this? I'm fairly happy with the way things are.
The stuff that bugs me is all jealousy, which isn't his fault.

Kim Snyder is a very wise person. Thank you my dear.

So this play has been a lot of fun, as I said before. I made new friends and made other friendships stronger, namely with Brian (Hughes).
He's the one I love spending the most time with because, well, he makes me really happy. Just giggly and girly, which is something I haven't felt in a really long time. He is always complimenting me, usually on my nose. (he really freaking loves my nose.) Maybe I started to develop a thing for him. I always got jealous when he had to be couply with Marcelle, even though he always told me how much she smelled and how he didn't like her. I doubt you guys know this, but I have a huge thing for boys who can sing, or love plays. Like, that's my weak spot. This boy melts my heart when he sings. Mind you so does James Blunt, but i'm not in love with him.

Anyways yesterday, we were waiting to the show to start, and we were being all cute and huggy like always. And he gives me an Eskimo kiss. He's done it before, so I wasn't surprised or anything, but then I just leaned in a bit more and kissed him. He pulled back and smiled and blushed. There were people around but no one saw it.

I don't know why I did it. Something inside told me just to do it. I'd thought about it before.. Just, i didnt think it would ever actually happen. I just kissed him, like it was the most normal thing for me to do. We went on the rest I the night acting same as we always had, very physical and lovey.

I texted him today and apologized for it, and he just said he didn't mind, and then proceeded to tell me he'd be happy to bribe my parents to let me go to the diner tonight.

It was a nothing thing- but I don't know! I can't even decide if I want to do it again. It was just strange.
I love that kid to death, he is one of my very best friends. I just don't know if I want there to be more. It's the first time in a long time I've felt something possibly real for someone. My heart is just confused. :/

This play was so much fun.
I made a shitload of new friends that I love to death.
A few seniors, and I'm already sad about them leaving. :(

Just- I'm so glad I made the decision to do this.
Although it's been retardedly time consuming, and it cost me a few tears- I don't regret it a bit.

I'm already concerned about crying on Saturday night.
I'm a babbling, weepy fool when it comes to not seeing people as often as I've gotten accustomed to. :/

It came at the perfect time too.
Twas the greatest pick-me-up I could have ever asked for.

 request(:

Jesus Christ Superstar - OST
"Working" Soundtrack


Pick a number 1-900

I broke up with Jack.
It was the right thing to do.
Completely.

I told him he deserved to be with someone who could commit to him 2450825%, and that that wasn't me.
He said that he wanted to fight this, and help me get over this.
I told him i was the only one who could do that, and I don't see it happening anytime soon.
He told me he had two options: Fight for his standpoint, get mad, and not talk for six months where he apologizes or just accept this and remain friends.
He chose the latter.

It was handled well,
I've never officially broken up with someone before-
Just told them I had no interest.

It went well,
but I still feel terrible.

Jack would be so ideal if I wasn't in love with Kevin.

Kev & I have been talking online recently about random things.
Like we used to.
We were supposed to hang out today to talk anything and everything out, but it fell through cause he got grounded.
I don't doubt that at all, his parents ground him like nobody's business.
Now it's at least another week of wanting and unsure-ness.

I obviously still like Kevin.
Which is why I shouldn't be going out with Jack.
Even my mother knows I don't like Jack that much.
I don't see how I could, really.

Life is fun, this is all a giant downer.